As Dave Grohl (from one of my favourite bands, Foo Fighters) sings, Is Somone Getting The Best Of You? And by someone, I actually mean YOU!
You might be surprised to hear that the biggest reason we don’t make space for self-care isn’t lack of time or money, it’s a lack of belief that we can succeed.
Y'see, we humans are hard-wired not to make a wrong decision. It’s easier to sit on the fence than it is to make a choice sometimes, right?
We get stuck in a procrastination loop: we wait, we think about it, we wait, we think about it; we get stuck in the When-Thens:
When things have calmed down, then I’ll deal with my anxiety.
When I have enough money, then I’ll invest in my health.
When I’ve taken care of everyone else, then I’ll take care of myself.
So many people wait until they feel peaceful, on top of things, or secure before they make space for self-care or support, be that a book, a course or a coach, when in reality these are the very things that can bring them the very peace, growth and spaciousness they seek in the first place.
The biggest reason we don’t make space for self-care isn’t lack of time or money, it’s a lack of belief that we can do it.
We need to feel that we cannot fail, know that it’s a sure thing before we commit our time or money to something new.
Although we might know it’s worked for others, we have a lingering subconscious belief that “it won’t work for me”.
This exact hesitation loop came up for me during a decision making process last weekend about investing in some more business coaching for myself.
I just LOVE learning - that part's a no brainer for me. Plus, I love investing in my continued growth and expansion. However, I still felt the hesitation of “will it work for me?” when I was deciding to take the plunge or not.
Here's the thing: this is self-doubt talking. The subtle voice of our inner critic creeping in, taking over and holding us back.
In saying "will it work for me?", we are unconsciously reaffirming a state of mind, which ultimately becomes an identity, of “I can’t” or “I’m not good enough to succeed where others have” or even “I’m not worthy of success”.
We become so used to thinking and feeling in certain ways, doing the same things every day, behaving in certain unconscious patterns, making the same routine choices that we get stuck in the same loops, get the same results, and means we’ll probably still be in the same place one year from now.
What my decision actually came down to last weekend was about inner trust and self-love.
Saying YES would be stating to the universe that “I love myself enough to invest in me, and I’m ready to change my old beliefs or patterns”.
Saying YES would be saying “I trust in myself, my abilities, known or unknown, to walk the path and do the work because I believe a new future is possible for me”.
Because let me tell you, no one’s coming to do it for me.
Sure, my coach will guide me, support me every step of the way and show me how, but ultimately it comes down to me to do the work and to take the action.
When you believe in a new future for yourself, then you create a change in the way you’re thinking and feeling.